How to Talk Dirty and Not Feel Like an Idiot

Choose a Girl

All you have to do is say exactly what you want, right? Perhaps you’re new to talking dirty, still working up the confidence to speak that way with your partner, or not 100% sure what to do — it can definitely feel somewhat daunting. If you’re looking to add some frisky language to your repertoire, there are some dirty talk phrases for beginners that you can try out as soon as tonight. This paradoxical inversion of commands and actions expresses not only a linguistic problem but a problem inherent in our understanding of sex itself. On the other hand, the very notion of such a Utopia contradicts an opposite belief that the most arousing sex involves an act of assault, of aggression. The tough-talking drill to which we subject our partners suggests rape and coercion, a world in which the will is constantly opposed by a reluctant partner whom we must goad into action by threatening to exercise brute force.

Start small

Talking dirty can be very helpful in long-distance relationships to keep the intimacy alive. Build some sexual tension by saying sexual things to each other. Or, try engaging in phone sex for added sexual pleasure.

This Sex Position Reliably Gets Women Off

“Sexy talk can help a person feel more comfortable with their sexual selves and help them explore different sexual activities or topics before acting on them,” says L. Kris Gowen, PhD, a sexuality educator, researcher, and co-host of the podcast B4U Swipe. Don’t Mistake Dirty Talk for Aggressive Sexuality. You don’t have to ram sexuality down his throat with your dirty talk. There is a misconception among women that they can’t be feminine, or that they need to be sexually aggressive to turn a man on.

These are phrases you can use when you want to remind him of you when you are apart, such as over an email or text. I can only think of one thing right now, and it’s you naked in my bed. He may get way more turned on if you talk about what he is doing to you and how he makes you feel, or he may get off on listening to you describe, word-for-word what you are doing to him or what you are about to do to him. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you’re agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners.

Our resident sexpert Nikquan Lewis agrees with this approach, “The first step is so important. Before getting started, I encourage partners to take time to discuss their sexual boundaries, wants, and desires. Knowing what excites each other and the limits sets a comfortable and healthy foundation,” she suggests. In the past, I used to avoid dirty talk because it seemed so overwhelming.

• First, openly communicate with your partner about your desires and why you’d like to begin the practice.
• You could use this during foreplay, or while having sex with each other.
• Ideally, sex is fun and fulfilling, and acknowledging phrasing that didn’t quite land or titillate as it was intended is one way to take some pressure off and keep things light.
• We’re turned on by the idea that we’re doing something “bad” or “naughty” and it’s totally healthy.
• When we look past the kinkiness, we may find there’s more to dirty talk than our desire to bring out our wild side.

Think them through on your own, and then when you’re comfortable message or tell your spouse what they do that’s sexy! If you’re worried about kids or others seeing your messages, consider using the Just Between Us app! The app is completely secure and doesn’t show your messages until you put in your password. If you want to jump straight to these dirty talking ideas and lines, click here. This article is actually Chapter 3 of the Dirty Talking Guide.

Make sure you communicate how you feel about it while in a safe space emotionally with your significant other. Also, remember to not get in your head about it too much! It’s moments like these and the ways that we resolve issues that build trust and openness in a relationship. “It’s also so helpful to always have a chat after sex because we are not mind readers!

However, there is a difference in how each gender’s limbic system works in the brain. Dirty talk doesn’t need to be restricted to just the bedroom. In fact, Manta says leveraging virtual opportunities to practice your dirty talk can help you get more comfortable with doing so in real life.

They could be into it that day and play along, but they could also not be receptive, which is also completely alright. It could be a good idea for you guys to begin establishing and learning about each other’s preferences. If you’ve never engaged in dirty talk with your partner before, you may not know how they feel about it. Jennifer Litner, sexologist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness, says before you talk dirty to your partner, get their consent. This week, Jess invites professional sex educator (and professional pervert), Carly S., to the podcast.

“After all, sex is so much better when you let go of perfectionism,” she says. That’s why we’ve gathered insight from 5 (s)experts to help us break down what you should say to get them (and yourself) going. We’ve got step-by-step instructions, tips, and even examples to improve your skills. Fill in the blanks to spin some sexy scripts of your own.